7 Deadly Sins...

“Teacher, are you Korean?”

“Are you American?”

“How old are you? Are you married?”

“Are you rich?”

These are some of the questions I am asked by my students. Their questions reflect the innocence of their youth. I simply smile and answer them to the best of my ability so that they understand that a person can be Korean American, to live in a house does not reflect your wealth, and a person does NOT need to be married to be by the time they are 25. I envy their carefree attitude of the world around them. They are oblivious to the idea that hardships do exist in reality. Ignorance is bliss. Ah, oh how I wish I could revert back to their days.

The age of innocence is like a dream that only fades away once you wake up. I struggle to remember most of my dreams, but there are those that stand out and replay in my mind over and over again. I remember my days of naivety when I didn’t have to worry about the bills I had to pay and the job I needed to be on time for. In addition to the typical worries of the average adult, I also try to do what all religious and non-religious people try to do: LIVE A GOOD LIFE.

Now, how does one live a good life? The answer according to old Christian teachings state that in order to live a good life, a person must avoid the Seven Deadly Sins.
Pride, anger, envy, greed, gluttony, sloth, and lust.

1. PRIDE
I have way too much of it. If I do something wrong, I’ll acknowledge it and admit it. However, if I didn’t do anything wrong, apologizing first is/was not in my vocabulary.

2. ANGER
Korea has changed me into a horrible person. My temper starts to flare even when I get pushed in a crowded market place.

3. ENVY
I envy the innocence of children. I envy rich people and their comfortable lifestyles. I envy those people who have what I don’t have, but want.

4. GREED
I have the desire to make lots and lots of money. I’d rather work every day and make money than to take time off for myself. I don’t like to share.

5. GLUTTONY
I eat too much. I drink too much. I enjoy food. I enjoy my wine and liquor.

6. SLOTH
Even though I can work every day, I despise cleaning. I’d rather taxi it than walk 10 minutes somewhere. I like doing things to the bare minimum so that I have time for other things.

7. LUST
Give me a break! I’m human!

Considering this list as the requirement to live a good life, I have failed miserably… ::sigh::

I miss being a child again.

WHO AM I?

WHO AM I?

Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering.

St. Augustin

On a normal basis, we as human beings go about our existence and never really notice our surroundings. In doing so, we pass by people, buildings, nature, and our even our dreams as if they are there to fill in world around us. Life is like a coloring book; we must fill in the pages. There are times when we make mistakes and color out of the line, but as we continue to work diligently, the error is hardly noticeable after it is completed... it becomes a part of the picture.

I have noticed that I’ve been walking aimlessly around for many years, blind to the mountains of buildings, the sea of people, and the vast compass of opportunities. I never really noticed them until now. I snapped out of the trance of routine and really opened my eyes to the surroundings. The people around me: past and present…the good and the bad... places I’ve been to…their history, their story. Most importantly: my opportunities…I passed up many chances in my life to discover who I really am in order to take the easier route…The shorter path.

MY FIRST YEAR… and a brief recap

It is almost a year. Almost to the exact day of when I embarked on one of the most amazing adventures of my life… I took a look around at my surroundings and noticed many things. I’m not talking about my bed with a cream and flower-patterned comforter, or the Korean-style hang-to-dry stands, or even the refrigerator covered with advertisements for food delivery. I REALLY noticed my surroundings.

ONE YEAR AGO…

I was running up and down the stairs, packing and repacking my suitcases. I was also running last-minute errands for the shop and gathering things that I ‘MAY’ need for my move. I was oblivious to the idea that my life would change drastically once I stepped into my country of birth. Just a few months before, I had finally graduated from college. Took a long 6 ½ years to finally graduate after 3 different colleges in 2 states.

(The famz: Dad, Me, Mom, Daniel [missing: Dury])

Just two years before, I had moved back from Los Angeles. Moving to Los Angeles had been a HUGE step for me... The 3 ½ years in Los Angeles had been a learning experience. but I knew that I couldn’t go back until I was financially stable and fully capable of doing it on my own... My time in LA was fun, exciting, scary, emotional, and stressful... When I came back home, it was for my family and I had felt regretful leaving it all... but being home for almost 2 years, it was relaxing and felt good to be normal again (the 3 jobs along with being a full-time student). I felt much more normal and grounded...

AT THE AIRPORT…

Saying bye to my dad was the hardest...He isn't a very emotional person (being like most Korean dads).. He looked at me... and he said… "Behave yourself... Take good care of yourself.... I love you..." With those words, I started to tear up... I felt like daddy’s little girl again. As I nodded, unable to say anything, I could only look at the floor. As I walked through the gates, I looked back and realized how much my dad had aged...His age was starting to show in his hair… his eyes… his hands.... Many years of supporting the family by himself had become evident. Straight after the airport, he would be driving straight to the store to work a 8-6 shift alone at his shop... I felt guilty and angry at myself for distancing myself away from him for the past few years... A lot of anger over the years had built a wall between us and I realized that it was slowly melting away...

The flight...
first day in Korea...

When I first got to Korea… I didn’t feel homesick at all. It was probably because I had my mom with me to help me settle in. We would wander the streets of Korea amazed at how much things have changed between our 14 year absence. The place was the same... however, time had taken its toll on the city I once knew and modernized in a way I could not have imagined. After my mom left, I felt that giddy feeling of freedom to be in a “new” country by myself. I would go out to see old friends from elementary school and hang out with them on my off-days. From there, I would network like crazy and meet new people every weekend. Endless nights of drinking, partying, clubbing became an all too familiar routine again. But luckily, in time, I became able to pull myself back down to the ground.

PRESENT…

I have met a group of friends who have kept me grounded. They have helped me realize that friendship is MORE than just meeting up and partying. We don't see each other, but maybe once a week because of our hectic adult lives. However, we all come together and help each other out the best way we can. Don't misinterpret my words, I REALLY, REALLY miss my close friends back home [Taema <3!], my friends back in my 2nd home of LA, and even the friends I no longer talk to.

TAEMA Family...

I recently, reconnected with and old friend from LA… He said many things to me that made sense. His "lecture" was more of a kick in the head. Of course, he is always right! He made me realize that I am a person of big words, small actions. I usually try to stick with the familiar and push away the unknown. Because of this, I have been pushing away people, new experiences, and even my dreams day by day. As they get pushed farther and farther into the back of my mind, I try to convince myself that this is ‘how things are’, ‘how things are supposed to be’. I finally realized that it really isn’t.

(Azela, Julia, Young-mi Unnz)

(Sue, Juanita, Azela, Julia)

I’ve had many missed opportunities in my life, only to live a life of routine. I've passed by my surroundings as if they were supposed to be there. My family and friends have always been there for me to guide me and give me advice. I feel this is the final chance to finally LISTEN and REALLY take in my surroundings for myself. There have been many changes in my life for the better and I hope that I’ve become a better person. Now, I’m really going to open up and take it all in. Each moment and each day will be like its last. I refuse to fall into the trance of routine again. I am also very grateful for that friend who helped me realize that. Thank you.

(a long time ago...)

PS. As my adventure in Korea continues for another year I will continue to write… I will also recap a lot of missed events that has happened to me in Korea over the past year.

Until the next time… ONE~*

Finally started...

I've started my blog in a non-traditional way.. the random way.. listing random facts about me that may or may not give people an insight of me, Hanna, as a person...
This way.. it alleviates some of the pressure of my future blogs.. which are going to be heartfelt, enlightening (I hope!), and even some rantings of what I have experienced so far here in Korea.. and from just living my life the only way I know how... to the fullest..

I have been procrastinating on starting this blog, but I have finally found an inner strength to resort my extra energy into writing again.. I HAD resolved to start a blog once I got to Korea.. I wrote here and there, but never got around to blogging until now...

DISCLAIMER: Readers beware.. some of the blogging may be ridiculously random.. but all in all.. there will be over-analyzed thoughts accumulated throughout the course of my experience here in Korea...

1. I hate mayonnaise (but i can eat a tuna sandwich and have thousand island dressing), ranch dressing, sour cream, cottage cheese, milk by itself, fettuccini alfredo, and cheese that is NOT melted (ham and cheese sandwich.. I eat with ham and bread)

2. I almost died because of Hurricane Hugo.. I slept by my window that night.. a tree fell in my backyard.. the swing set in the backyard stopped it from going through my window

3. I couldn’t speak Korean at all until I was in high school. Took Korean language classes offered at church, understood my mom and dad.. but didn’t exactly speak until high school. Much thanks to Korean music, Korean dramas, and Korean movies.

4. Mom put me through an at-home Korean immersion program at home. Ignored me until I attempted to speak in Korean. I didn’t even know how to ask if I could go play outside. I felt like if she didn’t answer me, I would just do whatever I wanted and couldn’t get into trouble. (was I dead wrong on that)

5. I sat on a burning hibachi-grill when I was 2 years old. Took 3 grown-ass military men to hold me down in the emergency room so that the doctor could remove the diaper melted onto my ass. I have a scar that runs from mid-thigh to my ass.. slowly lightening but the remnants are still there.

6. I got stitches in my jaw from falling off of a down-hill adventure on a Power-Wheel motorcycle in the 1st grade.

7. I’ve had piano lessons for 11 years.. I can play at the level of a 3rd year piano player.. Have yet to finish ONE complete classical piece flawlessly. Fur Elise doesn’t count.. I slow down towards the 3rd movement.

8. I’m a text-message fanatic. I can probably text in my sleep.

9. I’ve had numerous jobs in the past.. A phone company (sales), a sales representative at French Connection (FCUK), a bagger at the commissary, a semi-manager at a cell phone store, liquor store counter, hip-hop dance instructor, semi-manager at an academy, tutor, a translator for church, and currently a teacher. (I’ve worked 4 jobs at one time once in my life)

10. I almost got evicted from my apartment in LA during Superbowl (Panthers vs. Patriots). I was screaming obscenities at the television set.. My manager had to come to my apartment 3 times to calm me down. I still say the refs were paid.

11. I once danced at a bar/club for 4 hours straight. Everyone thought I was drunk. I didn’t drink at all that night.

12. I’ve almost gotten arrested for street-racing, drifting in empty parking lots, and pretty much being loud and obnoxious with street racers.

13. I have 13 piercings. All in my ears. 6 on my right ear and 7 on my left. My last piercing was my trigus.. I got it pierced on the drive home from Los Angeles to South Carolina.

14. I drove home from Los Angeles to South Carolina in less than 3 days by myself. (I’ve driven cross-country twice).

15. I’ve lived in South Carolina for a majority of my life.. thus the Southern accent at times, the ghetto-behavior, and ability to turn on and off my thuggish language skills at times.

16. I can’t drink beer. This is because my body rejects beer. It is a result of many nights of beer-bongs, clearing out two 30-can cases of beer every other night, and shotguns.. yea.. no more…

17. On my 21st birthday in LA, my party was asked to leave the premises because some people were underage. I ended up drinking way too much of my birthday presents and got onto a plane back home to South Carolina for a visit drunk/hung-over. Lesson learned. Never again.

18. I have two younger brothers. One is 2 years younger than me. The other is 8. They are both taller than me.. by a lot. I got all the short genes in the family. They both weigh less than me. I’m weigh a lot more than people think.

19. I wasn’t potty trained and couldn’t walk or speak until after the age of 2. My parents thought I was slow. Little did they know… I was the straight A honor student of the family.

20. I’ve transferred 3 times during college. I ended up graduating at the university I initially started my college career at. 6 years and 6 major changes later. Ended up with a major in English Literature and a minor in Asian American Studies (rather than Dance). I’m an Asian who hates math and science. I love Literature and History.

21. I go by two Korean names. One is my official name that is on my birth certificate and that almost everyone knows me as (Hanna Kim). The other, that my relatives call me (Hyo-Jung Kim) given to me by my paternal grandfather.

22. My name Hanna is meant to mean “ONE”, not the biblical reference. My brother right below me is Dury.. it is means “TWO”. My youngest would have been Seth (for “Three”).. but my dad argued and won.. His name is Daniel.

23. All my cars have been some shade of the color Red. Starting with the red mini-van (used as a taxi for all my friends in SC), my red ’89 Pontiac Sunbird (referred to as The Skateboard), and my red Honda Civic.. which is/was my trademark car (It had a mind and heart of its own. It thought it was a 350Z)

24. I’ve had/have crazy habits when I drink. Some I have outgrown. Some come out to play from time to time. Others have gone into hiding. For example: Crawling on the floor like a soldier on a battlefield, swinging eating utensils around as I speak, drunk-dialing, going to sleep when I’ve had enough (even in public places), fighting/arguing letting the Korean temper flare, being very forward/blunt, etc. (I apologize to those who have seen/or deal with any of them)

25. I’ve been told by a dance instructor that for someone who has danced for a long time (8 years)… I have no balance whatsoever. I think it’s because I’m bottom-heavy.

26. my brother burned my hair with a blow torch.. no flames.. just the heat and gas...when i was in 2nd grade.. then my brother cut my eyelid with scissors.. so i have a carot shaped scar on my eyelid.. and i have a lead-pencil scar when a student stabbed me by accident in the lip and the lead went thru my lip out my gum... but no broken bones

27. I was a premature baby.. just way too small.. way too early... Mom didn't even expect it.. I ended up being born at a small Korean hospital, rather than the hospital on the US Army base.

I know this was a bit ridiculous.. but surprisingly.. while writing this.. I found out a lot of things about myself... random to others.. enlightening for myself...

until later..

One~*